literature

Esteban

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IndigoSkyes's avatar
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Literature Text

Mystery from the fathoms of blue,
He was born and will die
In, by, with the water.
Dragged from the sea
By the foamed tide,
Adorned with coral,
Glistening like so many waves.
He breathes the salty sunset sand
Of a beach of a town where
Nothing happens.
The villagers come to him,
Truss him in fine clothing,
Shedding tears and stories over his great body,
Their simple hearts glad to do something, anything,
Never having seen something so beautiful.
They name him Esteban.
He has never known any other name.
As the send him off, back to his ocean,
His majestic body sinking slowly, slowly,
Down and down.
He is a child of the waves,
Grand lofty lover of the deep.
Based upon the story, The Handsomest Drowned Man in the World. Read it here.

For #theWrittenRevolution:
:bulletblue: Before reading the story from the link above, do you understand what's happening? How do you interpret it?
:bulletblue: Is the imagery creative enough?
:bulletblue: This is a little different from what I usually write. Does it seem awkward at any points? Does it flow well?
:bulletblue: ...anything else?

Lazy feedback questions ahoy. :roll:

Critique link: [link]
© 2011 - 2024 IndigoSkyes
Comments12
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JoeDanielz's avatar
I like this poem a lot. I think that you use great imagery. Although, I'd say about midway through you lose me. I think the start is very grand, but towards the end I feel like it's awkward. Especially, because of the name Esteban, and the town folks reactions seem odd. I know that this is based off of a story, but making this separate from the story and just going with the start would make it better. Also, the end seems chopped off. You should end with deep ocean or deep something. Overall, I think it's a great start and could turn into something really spectacular. Hope this all helps.