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Literature by TheScorpionBoy

Literature. by Concrete-Love

words. by MidnightSun16


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August 1, 2010
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   Your socks don't match and your wet hair is leaving a damp spot on the back of your t-shirt and there's a bruise on your left knee, but you're still so beautiful to me.
   "Come to bed, love," I call.
   "In a minute," your exhausted voice answers.
   "You said that an hour ago," I remind you. "Stop working and get some sleep."
   "I know," you sigh. I swing my legs off the bed and to the floor and walk into the study. You're still scribbling away like if you stop, the world will stop spinning, too. I lean over and kiss your temple. You sigh again, but keep writing.
   "You really need to sleep," I say. "You've been in here for half the day."
   You rub your eyes. I take the pen from your hand and, ignoring your weak protests, pick you up out of the chair and carry you to our bedroom. I pull the covers down and set you on the bed.
   "Sleep, love," I insist. "Please." I crawl in next to you and wrap my arm around your waist. You shift closer, put your head down on my chest, and within a minute, you're asleep.
    I don't know what kind of man you've made me, but you are the one and only woman I want to take care of like this for the rest of our lives. It's all I have to offer you and you deserve far more than that, but I will make sure you will have everything. I will give you anything. The stars, if you asked me for them. I'd chase them round and round the Milky Way and put them in glass jars like fireflies. When I have enough to light up the lakeside house we will have, I will look at you and know you're more beautiful than any common sparkling cosmic dust.
    You nestle farther into the blankets and make a little contented humming sound. I stroke your hair and think about the gold band in a small velvet box that's hidden in my drawer of secrets. I still haven't given it to you. It still needs a final touch. Carefully cradling your head and placing it on the pillows, I slide out of the bed and over to the window. It's a cool, clear spring night. I smell cherry blossoms. I climb up onto the window sill and look down. Inhale, exhale. Exhale, inhale. Am I really going to do this? For you, I will do anything. I jump. For a dizzying moment, I feel myself falling. Then my downy wings unfurl and catch the wind and I hurtle up towards the sky. I haven't flown in a while, not since I met you. I promise I'd give it all up for you. But not tonight. Tonight is for something special. I ascend, higher and higher and higher and higher still. Finally, I am in the vast abyss of space, gliding over the marbled Earth. Stars are everywhere, dotting heaven's face like freckles.
   I drift for a while, scanning my surroundings. I see a tiny star, about the size of my pinky nail. I dive for it. It evades me, flitting away like a playful butterfly. There is a frenzied chase around the solar system and I finally catch the troublesome thing hiding under one of Saturn's rings. I sit down on Mars and take the ring I took from the drawer out of my pocket. I carefully set the star into the band. I return it back to its little velvet box and fly back towards Earth.
   The sun is just coming up when I alight on the windowsill. I slip quietly into the bedroom and back into bed. I glance at you. You are still fast asleep.
   I awake to your fingers twining around mine. You are smiling and I think I love you just a little bit more than I did last night. I sit up and take your hand. I didn't know it was possible to feel so scared or so amazed. I ask the question that could either break me into a million pieces or bring me together in a billion different ways. I see your eyes and know that we have forever to count the those ways that are now encompassed here in our hands.
   Your hand is shaking as I place the ring on it. It's home, you say. The ring blazes like a star.
Unedited crap. Please help me edit it!

Plot: this was originally going to be a longer story, but I decided against it a.k.a., I was majorly lazy and didn't write it. But the general plot is that the main character gave up their life of being an angel (like in City of Angels) for this woman. He decides to propose to her and flies up into space to get a star instead of a diamond for her ring. Erm, yeah.

:iconthewrittenrevolution:: Do you like it? That's really the most important question for me here. Should I add to it and explain the angel thing in the story? Should I make it longer/shorter? More description? Less? Anything else you want to critique on? Etc.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconfrom-death-i-rise:
From-Death-I-Rise Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
uuuummmm this is fantastic. :D
I've only read two of your pieces so far, but I promise I will read so much more because you are a freaking fantastic writer. This is so adorbz. I think it's fine the way it is. Short stories are great in their own rights :D It's very poetic, too. :3
Yeah. This is good. It reminded me of Castiel from Supernatural a bit; Idk if you watch the show....
But yeah.
AWESOME WORK!!! :D
Oh and congrats on getting your piece into Daily Deviations. :D
(And good luck keeping up with all your new fans (me included) :3 )
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:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! 
Reply
:iconthroughshining:
Throughshining Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2013
I remember this piece so vividly and imagine my surprise when I came across it today, only to realise it wasn't in my favourites. Truly, a beautiful piece of literature.
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconcherrichan13:
cherrichan13 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:love: I melted a bit.
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconcherrichan13:
cherrichan13 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconipawed:
iPawed Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
City of Angels is, by association, if nothing else, one of my favourite movies. Ever.

This made me a little teary eyed, but in a happy way; I liked it. I think the angel thing could be indicated to a little more earlier, just an idle comment, perhaps about missing something, or the weight of the wings. I'm not sure. Ideas.

But I think it's simply beautiful at about the length it's at.
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:)

Thank you!
Reply
:iconipawed:
iPawed Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :]
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:iconcatie3:
catie3 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2010
I love it. And as long as she doesn't die like in City of Angels its Great!! lol The ending to that movie saddened me.
Any way this is very pretty and sweet :D
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:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
The ending of that movie made me go "wait, WTF?! WHAT?! NOOOOO!" in that order. :D
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. :)
Reply
:iconcatie3:
catie3 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010
I know I was slightly angered with it haha
You are welcome :D
Reply
:iconwhitefox00:
whitefox00 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:iconthewrittenrevolution:
The flying thing did confuse me a bit. At first I was thinking of something like cigarettes, like he promised he would stop smoking, or drugs or something, and so all of that was a metaphor. I don't think I took it literally until you explained in the comments. That would be something to add in the actual piece, I think, for it to work a bit better.

The beginning bit seemed a bit... well, generic, to me; from the second sentence to the beginning of the "You nestle farther into the blankets..." paragraph. The dialogue you might be able to cut out completely. I like the second person point-of-view. It's pretty rare to see that, at least pulled off so naturally.
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, many people have mentioned that... I'll probably change it.
Thank you for your feedback; always appreciated! :)
Reply
:iconwhitefox00:
whitefox00 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
You're quite welcome. :)
Reply
:iconangelofgod87:
AngelofGod87 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I wish someone would do something like that for me... *sigh* sadly my boyfriend and I are WAAY too poor for something like that...

TTFN
Me
:)
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
That'd be awesome, wouldn't it?
Reply
:iconangelofgod87:
AngelofGod87 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Oh heck yeah!!
Reply
:iconthemissingchapter:
TheMissingChapter Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010
The flying part confused me, like a few people have mentioned, but aside from that, I love it. Love it, love it, love it. :D
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconiamred:
IAmRed Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010
you should explain the angel thing. it's really beautiful
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I thought so too.
Thanks! :)
Reply
:iconmelkyrion:
Melkyrion Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
personally, i liked the piece very much, and i feel that it was just the lenght it needed to bring it into completion, it basicly doesnt need anything added for me, very emotional and i know a few that would cry while reading this piece.

very nicely written and keep doing as you're doing:-)
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconangeljunkie:
angeljunkie Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010   Photographer
I think you should hint at him being an angel a little more before he actually flies. When it got to that point, I wasn't sure whether or not to take it metaphorically or literally, at first. I don't think it needs a lot of extra detail on that - just a nudge here or there to prep the reader that this isn't just any normal guy.
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Good idea... thanks!
Reply
:iconscott-the-king:
Scott-The-King Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010
you should leave this mostly as is.
O.o
wow. so romantic
it's lovely
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconxswiffy:
Xswiffy Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
Oh dear, this is lovely.

No more description necessary, I think--though it did kind of shock me when he flew. I thought for a second he was gonna kill himself. I didn't catch on to the whole giving-up-life-of-an-angel thing, but it wasn't necessary to the plot. Seems like it might just be unnecessary fluff if it's something you have to explain--distracts from the emotion of the piece. And this is a VERY emotional piece.

I'm loving ittt <3
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:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
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