You will be my perfect. You will be my proudest moments in one small person. You will be made in love, or maybe anger, or maybe even desperation. But that won't matter. What matters is what you will be made into.
You will have Daddy's hair and his nose, and my eyes and my smile, the smile that happens not because someone with a camera told you to, but because you're genuinely happy. But you will have your very own heart and will be full of all the things that give you your you-ness. Whether you sing in the bath or make Valentines for everyone in your class or give your last homemade chocolate chip cookie to the boy sitting alone at recess.
I will write you poems and stories about how you are my miracle. I will read them to you sometimes, just to remind you. As you grow, not a day will go by that I'm not thankful for everything you are. You will be dazzling and beautiful and brilliant and compassionate and playful and curious and all of the things I was too scared to be.
You will learn how to dance before you can walk. I will teach you numbers by counting the stars in the sky. I will teach you colors from the world around you – "look, the sky is Mommy's favorite color today." You will absorb everything - the sounds, the lights - through your skin like a balm.
When you are born, your Daddy will cry because he's never seen anything so beautiful. He may not love me forever, but he will never have any doubts about you. "Look," he'll say the very first time he holds you, showing you this overwhelming, magnificent world outside the window, "all this is yours."
Growing up is not an easy thing. But remember that it's okay to not know. It's okay to just take it as it comes. People will come and go, and make you laugh and break your heart. There might be someone who crumples your smile like a used tissue. But promise me you'll never stop loving, no matter how much it hurts.
You will be my warrior, my brave flower. When people pour lies and hurtful words into your ears, I will come along with a sieve and replace them with what is true.
You will make the world a better place, simply by being a part of it. You will take the sunny days and collect them for rainy ones. You will prove to your daddy what love is. You will discover every day that life is going to be confusing and scary and wonderful, but I know you'll go through it all with a smile, the smile that happens not because someone with a camera told you to, but because you're genuinely happy.
When pulling petals, remember that the answer will always be "she loves me."