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I've been dreaming in black and gray.
Raw things
Like pigeons fluttering, shuddering to a bloodless death,
Skyscrapers bracketed by barbed wire,
And drowning feathers.
Everything is blisteringly skeletal and dry
With a few splashes of crimson.
I feel like this is home flipped on it's spine.
It looks like concrete and train stops
But it's full of needles and glass and combs and teeth.
The bones roam the streets and endless alleys,
Silently clanking and rubbing together
Ribs, joints, and limbs.
Leering, grinning skulls looking for home.
They ask me if I can find them, like I'm "It" in a hide-and-seek-and-die.
It shake my head, but point my rotting fingers in what
I dismally hope is the right direction.
I turn and lurch towards the icy washed-out river,
Looking for the limp and bedraggled feathers
From the pigeons that hit the glass one too many times.
I'm dreaming in black in gray,
I am home, turned on my spine.

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Yes... um... it's odd and morbid and dry. I think I like it.
Inspired by dreams I'd been having.

:iconthewrittenrevolution:

This is pretty experimental. Do you think it has enough imagery? Too much? What did you think of/feel when reading it?

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Submitted on
August 31, 2009
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193
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:iconaro-chan:
~Aro-chan Mar 15, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

You've got writing style. I liked the imagery, but I rather felt the poem a bit random.
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
~IndigoSkyes Mar 18, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Yes, it's very random. Dreams happen like that. :D
Reply
:icontheforgottenknight:
oooh I think I like it too. I love freaky dreams=]
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
~IndigoSkyes Mar 18, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:D
Reply
:iconsapient-butterfly:
~Sapient-Butterfly Mar 15, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I think its beautifully morbid. It seems to lose the flow a little in the middle/last half, but picks it back up again towards the end but I love the imagery :)
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
~IndigoSkyes Mar 15, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Hmmm... how and when does it lose its flow?
Thanks!
Reply
:iconsapient-butterfly:
~Sapient-Butterfly Mar 16, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
The part between "They ask me if I can find them, like I'm "It" in a hide-and-seek-and-die." and "I turn and lurch towards the icy washed-out river," it sort of seems to fall a little flat compared to the rest of it, perhaps the repeated use of first person references in such a small space where as through the rest it's minimal. Its like a sudden section of action where the rest has been all thoughts and feeling and it just sort of threw me when reading through if you see what I mean :D

Still it doesn't take away from the overall effect of the poem which as I said before is great.
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
~IndigoSkyes Mar 18, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I... sorta see what you mean...
It's just weird to look at your own writing, you know? Which is why we all have each other. :)
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:iconsapient-butterfly:
~Sapient-Butterfly Mar 18, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Very true, I know exactly what you mean :)
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:iconphyllipa:
*Phyllipa Mar 15, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't quite understand it but I know I like it. The imagery was beautiful, it reminded me of what being in town is like when all the shops are closed and nobody is in; a ghost town. Amazing poem! *****
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