I've been dreaming in black and gray. Raw things Like pigeons fluttering, shuddering to a bloodless death, Skyscrapers bracketed by barbed wire, And drowning feathers. Everything is blisteringly skeletal and dry With a few splashes of crimson. I feel like this is home flipped on it's spine. It looks like concrete and train stops But it's full of needles and glass and combs and teeth. The bones roam the streets and endless alleys, Silently clanking and rubbing together Ribs, joints, and limbs. Leering, grinning skulls looking for home. They ask me if I can find them, like I'm "It" in a hide-and-seek-and-die. It shake my head, but point my rotting fingers in what I dismally hope is the right direction. I turn and lurch towards the icy washed-out river, Looking for the limp and bedraggled feathers From the pigeons that hit the glass one too many times. I'm dreaming in black in gray, I am home, turned on my spine.
I think its beautifully morbid. It seems to lose the flow a little in the middle/last half, but picks it back up again towards the end but I love the imagery
The part between "They ask me if I can find them, like I'm "It" in a hide-and-seek-and-die." and "I turn and lurch towards the icy washed-out river," it sort of seems to fall a little flat compared to the rest of it, perhaps the repeated use of first person references in such a small space where as through the rest it's minimal. Its like a sudden section of action where the rest has been all thoughts and feeling and it just sort of threw me when reading through if you see what I mean
Still it doesn't take away from the overall effect of the poem which as I said before is great.
I don't quite understand it but I know I like it. The imagery was beautiful, it reminded me of what being in town is like when all the shops are closed and nobody is in; a ghost town. Amazing poem! *****
You've got writing style. I liked the imagery, but I rather felt the poem a bit random.
Yes, it's very random. Dreams happen like that.
Thanks!
Still it doesn't take away from the overall effect of the poem which as I said before is great.
It's just weird to look at your own writing, you know? Which is why we all have each other.